Thus far Donald Trump has convinced over a third of the nation’s voters and like half of Congress that he’s completely innocent of all charges. But damned if we know how!
Over the course of the umpteen investigations into him, the guy has gone from the “I didn’t do it, but even if I did it it’s not that bad” defense to the Tony Soprano yelling-about-FBI-persecution to straight up intimidating witnesses on Twitter.
Since his impeachment inquiry, in which he’s accused of using the office presidency to solicit a bribe from the Ukrainian government, all he’s done is tell people not to testify. Even if you knew nothing about the case, how guilty can a guy make himself look?
Oh, he can hire the guys who got Jeffrey Epstein off??
Yes, for real. Trump announced his legal team on Friday morning, and it includes both Alan Dershowitz and Kenneth Starr. Dershowitz is probably most famous for his work with the so-called legal “Dream Team” which successfully defended O.J. Simpson in his legal trial. Starr famously served as the special prosecutor who went after Bill Clinton in his impeachment trial. But in 2006 both men helped a billionaire pedophile get out of some very serious legal trouble.
In short, Epstein — who died in custody last year while awaiting trial for underage sex trafficking charges — was on the hook for a lot of the same crimes way back then, but he ended up with what’s referred to as a sweetheart deal. Despite the fact prosecutors were reportedly able to identify 36 separate victims, he only had to plead guilty to one count of soliciting sex from a 14-year-old girl. He served just 13 months of what was basically house arrest AND notably his agreement guaranteed “any potential co-conspirators” couldn’t be prosecuted.
This is the deal Alexander Acosta was pressured to resign over — since he was the U.S. Attorney who signed off on it. Reminder: Trump made that guy Labor Secretary! And now he’s added Epstein’s lawyers to his defense team!
Again, how dirty could you make yourself look?
BTW, Dershowitz may have been famous for the O.J. case back in the day, but more recently he’s become known even more for his involvement with Epstein. Virginia Giuffre, nee Roberts, who claims she was a sex trafficking victim of Epstein’s in the early 2000s has accused Dershowitz of being one of the men Epstein had her sleep with.
The famed attorney has consistently denied the accusation, filing a lawsuit against her defamation last November. Yes, the same month Prince Andrew was pushed out of the Royal family after his ludicrously bad interview defending himself against Giuffre’s accusations.
Dershowitz did once admit to having gotten a massage from a girl at Epstein’s mansion, saying in a 2015 video interview:
“I kept my underwear on during the massage. I don’t like massages particularly.”
Awesome defense. Best people.
[Image via BBC/WENN/Instar/Florida Department of Law Enforcement.]